Houston, We Have A Problem

It’s after hours and I’m still at work staring at the left screen of dual monitors. Instead of reviewing a purchase contract I’m thinking of what to write. I forgot we each had “homework” that is due tomorrow. Our homework is to write a mission statement. I spent the afternoon going through my to-do list when I heard everyone scrambling to do their homework too. Most everyone was just jotting a few words for the sake of saying that they had completed it. I wanted mine to be thought out and a true opinion of what our mission statement might look like.

From what I can tell everything that has been turned in so far seems to be mediocre with the exception of Fistpump Karl. Karl delivered his mission statement in a sealed envelope. I met Fistpump Karl when I first got my real estate license,  I attended Karl’s weekly classes on how to be a successful agent because they were motivating and he was inspiring. Today Karl sashay’d down the hall in his navy blue suit and elegantly handed over the envelope like it contained the winner for Best Picture at the Oscars. I watched him gracefully glide over cool as a cucumber in a nonchalant way. At first sight I didn’t know what he was doing so after he left I went and asked “hey, what did Karl turn in?”. I was told that it was his mission statement. In my head I said something like “oh f———–ck”. I’m sure I grimaced for a fraction of a second because not only do I have a mission statement to write, I also need to find a black dress to wear because tomorrow we have individual headshots scheduled with a photographer.

Karl had unknowingly challenged me so here I sit bewildered thinking “What the hell am I going to write?”.

I did some Googling “crafting your mission statement”….

My first prompt was, Write your story.  Hmmmm…..I sat and thought what is my story? After pondering a few moments all I could think of were all of the bizarre highlights of my real estate profession. Here are some of them.

  • I painted a house in order to satisfy an appraisal condition for my buyer. I took an unpaid day off of work and spent an entire day painting the home. I didn’t have a ladder so I took a kitchen bar chair and used that as my ladder. I’m not very tall so when there were places that I still couldn’t reach, I stacked a turned over bucket on top of that to reach. When the job was finished I was exhuasted and covered in a hideous exterior shade of what looked like purple!
  • A new agent in our office accidentally released the keys to her buyer prior transfer of  ownership ( It was her very first sale). When she asked her client for the keys back he said no. She asked me for help so I called him and kindly asked that he come to our office so I could explain why we needed the keys back in our possession. We sat in a small conference room and he listened to me and when I was finished he stood up and towered over me and my colleague, waved his crutches at the both of us like they were pointers and said “UNLESS ONE OF YOU IS PHYSICALLY GOING TO STOP ME, I”M LEAVING AND TAKING THE KEYS WITH ME!”. Needless to say I let him go and called my broker.
  • I was sent to a newly listed house and was asked to “secure” it. To make sure it was locked up and to ensure there were no squatters living there. Wearing dress clothes and high heels I walked up the handful of steps to the front door, unlocked and opened it. The house was brightly lit because part of the roof had caved in. Without crossing the threshold I could see porn mags and needles strewn across the place. I immediately left. I went back to the office and demanded that a HAZMAT team and contractor go out there to correct the home.
  • The incident that I almost quit over was when I was asked to retrieve our real estate sign from on top of a dead cow! It was my day off when I recieved a panicked phone call with the request to get it done immediately because it looked bad for the company. It must have been a stressful week because I cried immediately upon hearing the request and I said no. One of the guys went to retrieve it and his car smelled like death after.

Now it’s time to write a mission statement and I’m no closer to answering the following:

Why do we exist? 

Where are we going?

What do we stand for?

I’ll come up with something brilliant by tomorrow morning or maybe I should be original and answer the questions literally based on my bizarre experiences.

Tomorrow is Friday and my boss will forgive me by Monday, right? 😜 May-5_Howto-Header

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